The next couple of weeks were a blur. I blurted out to the whole world who would listen that I was going to be a mother. Something I had waited my whole life for. I went in for my first ultrasound when I was 7 weeks because my HCG levels were low. I had NO idea what that meant and therefore wasn't concerned. We had the ultrasound, and they determined I wasn't as far along as I had thought (or so they thought). A couple of days later, I got really sick and couldn't keep anything down. I started spotting. I called my OB's office, and the oh-so-awesome nurse told me they couldn't get me in but to go to the walk-in clinic. Why I didn't go to the ER when I started spotting, I am not sure. I got to the walk-in clinic, and they immediately sent me to the ER. For some reason, I was relatively calm through all of this. Michael and I got there, they gave me 2 bags of fluid and sent me home with an ultrasound appointment the next day. The ultrasound tech looked at my uterus, did some measurements, and announced she was going to call my doctor and would be right back. At this point, I started to get nervous. She came back into the room a few minutes later and said I had an appointment with my OB at 1:00 that same day. I remember asking her questions, but she wasn't allowed to answer them.
We later found out at the appointment that my body was in the process of a miscarriage. I was devastated. What could I have possibly done wrong to cause this to happen? This is what was going through my head at the time. Obviously now, I know there's nothing that could have been done differently. I miscarried a week or so later at my sister's house...in her guest bathroom. I picked up the little grey colored sack out of the toilet and asked my oldest sister (who had miscarried before) if that was in fact my baby. It was. From the beginning of the spotting until I "recovered" from the physical trauma, was three weeks. I missed three weeks of work because I lost my first baby.
I didn't think I would ever be the same. My doctor told me to wait at least 2 months before trying to conceive again. After unsuccessfully trying to conceive on our own for 6 months, I went back to my doctor to see what the next step was. For multiple reasons, I ended up switching doctors after this meeting. Michael and I met with my new doctor and after some tests, he realized I had severe PCOS. He immediately started me on progesterone to regulate my cycles. I started 50mg of clomid for 5 cycles with no ovulation. He increased it to 100mg of clomid for 5 more cycles, also with no ovulation. By this time, it had been 16 months since we had miscarried. My doctor decided to combine the 100mg of clomid with metformin (which is actually used for diabetes). He explained to me that the combination of these 2 medications can help women with PCOS to ovulate. Well, after my first round of the combination, I ovulated. I didn't conceive on that cycle so we went a second month on the combination.
It was the day I was supposed to start my period after the second round, and I felt SO sick. I thought for sure I was pregnant. I was coaching/teaching at the time and ran home during lunch to take a pregnancy test. Negative. Really?! I was SO sure I was pregnant. A week later, I was still feeling really sick and was SO tired. It was a Saturday, and Michael was at work. I had to run to the grocery store to get a few things and decided to just grab a pregnancy test just for the heck of it. I still hadn't started my period, but since I had already had a negative pregnancy test, I expected this one to read the same. I got home and took the test. To my complete shock, it was positive! I called Michael and said very calmly that I took a test, and it was positive. I don't even remember his response, but when he got home we were both so happy.
My pregnancy was filled with a lot of sleeping, vomiting, dehydration, and mild contractions. It was wonderful. :) On October 28, 2009, we were blessed with the most precious baby girl. All of the pain from the miscarriage seemed to disappear, and my heart felt whole again. No one can possibly understand this joy unless experienced first hand, whether that baby was formed inside you or formed inside another body and handed to you to be yours forever.
Now we are rapidly approaching the celebration of a TWO year old. How can this even be possible? She is the sneakiest little mess I have ever met. Miss Harper Reese, I love you so much. You were worth the wait.
Now that I am quickly nearing 30 with Michael 3 years older than me, we have started down this same road again. We have always had the desire to have more than one child. I am right in the middle of my first round of the combination of 100mg of clomid and metformin. I wanted to write this to give hope to those of you who may still be waiting for that first child. I want to share our journey of trying to conceive a second child and selfishly ask for your prayers as well. I am very nervous to put myself out there like this, but that's the purpose of a public blog, right?
So here are my stats of now:
CD 1: 9/8/11
CD 5: Beginning of clomid 9/12/11
CD 9: End of clomid 9/16/11
CD 14: Expected ovulation 9/21/11 (Negative)
CD 28: Expected end of cycle 10/06/11