I can't even remember the last time I wrote about our TTC journey, but a lot has happened within the past year. There's been excitement, followed by heartache, followed by more heartache, and more excitement.
Some of my male friends may find this to be WAY too much information to know about me. I am warning you now. :)
September 2011 was the start of our secondary infertility journey. We did multiple rounds of clomid + metformin with every single cycle ending in disappointment. We took a few breaks here and there and would pick up where we left off with the medication. In the spring of 2013, I had a hysterosalpingogram done which showed no blockage. I was hoping this would at least show WHY we weren't conceiving. No luck.
In late October 2013, we found out we were expecting. I knew from the beginning something wasn't right, but I told people our exciting news in hopes the extra prayers would allow this baby to grow and thrive. On November 18th I started to have some complications. I was cramping and bleeding, and in my heart, I just knew. I was completely heartbroken. The next morning, the blood work confirmed my worst nightmare. I went to Harper's PDO for their Thanksgiving feast that morning then left for a work trip to Orlando, FL that afternoon. I had the opportunity to just stay home for a few days instead, but I needed to get away from reality. This was probably the best decision I could have made. I needed to keep myself busy and distracted. I didn't want to have to explain to Harper why her baby went to be with Jesus. I just wasn't ready.
The next couple of months were spent trying to get my body back to normal. After a miscarriage, it doesn't always go back to normal quickly. It's frustrating. We started back on clomid + metformin but continued to be disappointed at the end of each cycle. I started on Mother's Day for heaven's sake! Summer was quickly approaching, and I welcomed the distractions of trips to the pool and vacation. We left for a vacation road trip to San Diego on June 13th. We arrived in Santee, CA at our friends' house for a week long vacation. We were more than ready for this break! Sunday, June 15th, we celebrated Father's Day. Guess what? I started again. I just laughed at this point. Mother's Day AND Father's Day?! Since we were in CA and needed to start clomid on CD (cycle day) 5, I decided I wouldn't worry about taking it this cycle. I was surprisingly not stressed for once in a LONG time. Vacation was wonderful, and it was so hard to leave. We love and miss our friends.
Fast forward to about the 3rd week of July. It was CD 35, and I still hadn't started. We were leaving for a few days to Ruidoso the next day (July 20th), and I needed to know if I needed to pack "supplies," so I took a pregnancy test. It was negative, and I wasn't surprised. I was just annoyed I hadn't started yet because I couldn't start fertility medication until I did! By CD 45, I was REALLY irritated. How was I supposed to get pregnant if I hadn't even started! I decided to take another pregnancy test just for the heck of it.
(This ultrasound shows EDC 3/22/14 and that I was 8w2d based on the first day of my last period. I didn't ovulate until CD 29 (usually based on ovulation on CD14), so the dates were adjusted on my next ultrasound)
I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and even though I was still very early, I decided to spread the news. The more prayers, the better!
I went in for my first nurse appointment on August 26th. I though it was just blood work and getting paperwork done. We ended up doing an ultrasound in the office. The nurse couldn't confirm a fetal heartbeat with the abdominal ultrasound, so my OB tried with a trans vaginal ultrasound. He couldn't even locate my uterus, so they sent me to Lubbock Radiology where I had my initial ultrasound. My OB said he was very concerned that they couldn't confirm a heartbeat. Part of me started to freak out, but the other part of me remained calm and hopeful.
I had an hour until my ultrasound appointment. I just sat in my car for a while and prayed. I went into the office a little early, and they were able to get me in earlier than my scheduled appointment. As soon as the tech put the probe on my abdomen, she pointed out the flickering little heartbeat. She turned the volume up, and I HEARD the heartbeat for the first time. Praise God, this baby was still growing and measuring right on target. Apparently, my uterus is really high which is why my OB had an issue.
I am beyond thankful for this tiny little blob growing inside me. A bit of my heart is healing from the previous loss we suffered.
Will you join us in prayer for the growth of this sweet baby?