::To Our Future::

I'm 32 years old, and I have big plans for my life, for my family. I want Harper to grow up with incredible memories of her childhood. I'm not talking about trips to Disney World or the Christmas when we got her a trampoline. I want her to remember those nights when we prayed together, the time she helped Daddy hang her swing in the tree in the backyard, the many nights we spent at the drive-in watching silly movies and eating popcorn, the countless times her daddy and I tell her we love her, the amount of times she's called "beautiful," and the special trips we made to get ice cream for her good behavior.
I have big dreams for this little girl. I have no doubt she will change the world. It may not be recognized by millions, but she's definitely going to change the world. I am not sure why God blessed me with such a well-behaved, gentle, smart, and beautiful little girl, but He did. And I'm so thankful. She's only 4.5 years old, and she's changed my world. I am terrified to think about the things she will face in her future. I pray she loves people, stands up for herself and beliefs, and I pray she loves God. This little girl will move mountains. I just know it.

Doubt

There's a lot of things that have been weighing heavily on my heart lately. I find myself doubting God. A lot. I just can't wrap my head around WHY things happen the way they do. Why did my sister, one of the most kind, giving, loving, and christian women I know, have to get her boobs completely cut off today? Why do her 2 young kids have to go through the next few weeks watching their mom in horrific pain? Why do I have to go through SO many failed fertility cycles that end in complete heartache? Why did my best friend from childhood lose her baby boy at almost 21 weeks gestation? Why does one of my good friends have to suffer through constant physical pain, vomiting, and IV fluids on a daily basis for the rest of her life? I just don't understand. I pray. I believe in God. Yet I doubt His plan.