Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Just Being Real

Do you ever have one of those days where you just wish things were different? I mean, significantly different?
I would still want to be married to my man and have Harper for my sweet baby, but if everything around me was a good way, I wouldn't complain much. There's so many things I regret...

I really wish I wouldn't have gotten credit cards and loans to pay my way through college.
I don't regret going to ACU, but I really wish I would have thought about going somewhere less expensive.
I wish I would have chosen a major that really made me happy instead of settling for something broad.
I wish I would have accepted when a church offered to sponsor me as a missionary right out of college. (I'm not sure my family even knew about this one.)
I wish I would have accepted my depression as an illness BEFORE starting college instead of waiting until after to seek help.
I wish I would have spent more valuable time with my dad.

I wish life wasn't so hard sometimes.
I wish money was never the issue.
I wish I didn't have to stress about bills.
I wish we could find a church where my family really feels like we belong.
I wish I had the desire to pray more and read the Bible.
I wish my heart didn't race when I think about raising our kids in today's society.
I wish we could afford for me to be a SAHM.
I wish I didn't have to take medication just to feel normal.
I wish, for one day, I didn't have any stress in my life.
I wish I could protect Harper her whole life from ever getting her heart broken.
I wish I could plan out everything in my life with no surprises.
I wish my life would get easier.

It's just been one of those days.


~she~ said...

So sorry you're having one of those days. I think most people feel like that every once in a while. I know you didn't ask for advice so forgive me for offering it any way. You said you wish you had the desire to pray more and read your Bible. That desire will never come if you first don't pray and read your Bible. If you make yourself start, the answers will come to most of the wishes on your list. Prayer will reveal which church you should attend, how you should raise your kids, how you should handle your finances, and many other things. I'm a firm believer in it. It's not easy to begin a structured prayer life and Bible reading time. But nothing worth doing is ever easy. It will be so worth it though. I'll keep you in my prayers today. Sorry for the sermon! :)

April L. said...

So sorry, Mel. I wish I could say or do something to make it all better, but I can't. Just know I love you so, so much because you're my baby sister. I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world...though I may have wanted to at one time. ;) No matter what you feel right now, know that you're an amazing person and things will get better. You've got an amazing God and a great husband, daughter, family (if I do say so myself), and friends. Remember that those things will always sustain you when nothing else will, no matter how tough life gets. Also remember that no matter how much it seems that everyone else has it all together, we all worry and wish things were easier. You are not alone. Love you!!